Unlearning Adulthood
Yesterday morning started as a normal late Autumn British Sunday: grey skies, low mood, and zero motivation. My first impulse was to just stay home and lay low for the day. “As if anything good good ever came from it”, I said to myself, and kicked my butt out the house.
Looked at the map and spotted a random place not too far: fields, seaside, not much happening — perfect place to explore.
And you know what — that was the best day of this year! I felt young again! Which made me wonder: why so, and how do I get more of?
That day, I enjoyed the sounds of the sea, jumped a couple of streams, got stuck in a swamp a bit, ate lots of wild berries (still alive today), helped a fish to get back to water (don’t choose England to evolve walking, if you can chose Hawaii, stupid fish).
And it all felt amazing. It took me a while to realise it, but the joy I felt was familiar — that’s how it used to feel like when I was younger. We were all young — what seems like just yesterday — we truly enjoyed the world, we felt unstoppable, we were unstoppable! I imagined what I’d feel and do if I got here at 12-year-old. I’d be over the moon, collecting seashells, climbing rocks, swimming, running. So I did — except swimming. I’d just thrown an angry-looking fish back into the water, and it’s definitely out for revenge.
So why can’t I feel like a child anymore, what has changed? Maybe I can’t feel the world so intensely anymore, but I will surely try!
I dug a bit into it. Turns out, there are many reasons why people go numb over time.
Part of it comes down to predictive coding. Kids have no prior knowledge — the world is full of surprises, and every new discovery lights up their brain with dopamine. Adults have “seen it all”. True. Though, depends on the level you look — there is always something new if you look a bit deeper, just be curious to look for it.
We’ve learned “how to be adults” by copying adults. Social norms pushed to extreme, seriousness, fear of looking foolish, losing reputation — none of that is biological! We absorbed all this from society pretty late in life — which means it’s totally possible to unlearn this bull-poop. And how liberating it is as well — not constantly feeling watched. Easier said than done for sure, but such a great goal to pursue.
Another one — fried reward system. Years of phone addiction, recreational drugs (yes, even caffeine), chasing the best experiences in everything from the softness of your mattress to the assessment of the rating of each movie before watching. It all devalues the simple pleasure of finding a cute seashell on a beach. Yes, you have to expose yourself to “normal” life, sometimes boring — it’s a part of it.
Trauma, stress, depression. It’s hard to tell what is a reason of emotional bluntness and what is a consequence. But yeah, stress is a big deal. And it’s hard not to be stressed managing life in London, desperately trying to make enough money for rent and food. Which is another reason to move away from this mess, or at least openly admit there are options, but we chose to stay accepting the trade-offs.
Another big one — lost (or as Johann Hari puts it — “stolen”) focus. Inability to focus on one thing, mind constantly jumping around, needing more stimulation — makes it impossible to achieve any noticeable change in any of the above. Your introspection is offline, you can’t immerse yourself into any simple experience anymore, your brain screams for a shot of fast dopamine — and you end up looking at your phone. Familiar?
What it all means: yes, the reasons are real — even objective. But also they are in our hands. We can change. At least, that’s my plan. The fight is so worth it Feeling the world fully is just a different way to live, freedom from the mental prisons we’ve built ourselves. Break the lazy patterns, get curious. Love, try, make, break, run, cry. Make your heartbeat your religion!
And if someone calls me immature? I’ll take it as the best compliment they could give.
If you ever feel like reaching out — whether you have something to share, or just want to talk — I’d be happy to hear from you, stranger. This isn’t about followers. It’s about finding kindness and similar minded people in a loud world.